29th
13 Ways of Looking at a Guy Spilling Coffee
Inspired by the Boston Globe photo essay “A Spectacular Slide” and, to a lesser extent, Gromit’s sidekick.
I
Among twenty snowy cars,
The only moving thing
Is a man skating on heels.
II
He falls.
His coffee ejaculates.
III
Dunkin’ Donuts?
Nice choice.
IV
I hope his bones have the strength
To survive this fall.
The cream and sugar in his coffee
Suggest otherwise.
V
Who is worse:
The photographer callously gazing,
Or I, the viewer, gazing through him?
VI
No, definitely the photographer.
What a complete and utter
Douchebag.
VII
His slip is classic,
Like cartoon comedy.
Charlie Chaplin would be proud.
VIII
The photographer is still
A complete and utter douchebag.
Seriously, a douchebag.
IX
The most important thing after falling
Is getting up immediately and looking around and
Hoping no one saw you and acting totally normal
Even though your ass really hurts.
I wonder if this guy did that.
X
I suppose it doesn’t matter.
The photographs leave him on the ground,
Coffee spilling, prone.
XI
A wise man once said:
“The only position for guys who get creme and sugar in their coffee
In the Sidewalk Nonviolent Coordinating Commitee
Is prone.”
XII
Wait, no, nevermind. That guy was also
A douchebag.
XIII
I have looked at this essay
A dozen ways a dozen times over
And I still don’t know
Why the Boston Globe published it.
(h/t kmm)
